Monday, 11 July 2016

Marvel as The Avengers’ real origins are explained

If you’re an avid marvel fan you’re probably wondering if there’s anything valuable or new to be learnt here today, if this is a troll post or maybe I need help. There’s only one thing I'm going to tell you; for the sake knowledge, shed everything you think you know. At this point, you are a tabular rasa in Marvel lore. Everything here is based on an alternate universe’ Yoruba creationist mythology and history.
Try to relax okay?
Let’s dig in.

1. Thor
You know him as a god or demigod from Asgard bla, bla, bullshit. Lies.
His real moniker is Sango*. Demigod turned god. And he breathes fire like a dragon too.
Mjolnir? — is really called Ake.

2. Ironman

Witty billionaire guy full of sarcastic one-liners and endless repartees? Spark any ideas?
Ironman? No.
Metal man? No. 

Yoruba god of iron — Ogun, ring a bell?. Yes. Go figure. 

How does a god go from god-hood to just a man in an iron suit though? Sheer disrespect Marvel. Sheer disrespect. 
If you know your Yoruba mythology very well then you already know who this dude is portraying. For those who don’t know, a little hint: notice in most Yoruba flicks, when people are confused they go to seek a particular ‘Oracle’?
Still don’t know?! *rme* IFA ffs!
Now you've made me swear…

I had to do a little bit of extended research to find this one. This dude has a bad habit of vanishing; (they’re still looking for him at MCU) his background history inclusive. Anyway, he first came to popularity (or is it notoriety?) when he was promoted by famed literati D.O. Fagunwa in his thrilling Yoruba novel “Ogboju ode ninu igbo irunmale”. His real name is ‘Kako onikumo ekun’ and no, his skin wasn't green though it had a funny colour. Sorry no pictures. Told you about his penchant for vanishing.

LOL. Really?
This dude was taken from West Africa during the slave trade era. Kept underground with other slaves throughout the long treacherous sojourn over the transatlantic, underfed; managed to survive where thousands died like flies (there’s something about ‘died like flies’ that I like. It rhymes). He emerged from it all still resolute and fighting his captors although weakened and emaciated.
Steve Rogers? Hell no! He was black with an African name. Real name was Kunta Kunte. Sorry, real name is. He’s still out there somewhere. Notice the White Steve Rogers was emaciated as well? To be fair, have you ever seen an emaciated White man??? Even in pictures? There you have it.

So KK with his characteristic resilience, bodily emaciation, and revolutionary outlook was the perfect specimen for the super soldier programme. Whether he later had a case of vitiligo after he was christened Steve Rogers I cannot say.

Have you seen ‘Aje ni iya m… *sorry* Aje ni iya e?’
No? Go and see it. She wuz dere.
I don’t know her original name yet but I discovered she hails from Akoko-edo, the Yoruba speaking part of present day Edo state (Aje po nibe yen mehn! Green-witch o! White-witch o! Witches plenty there! Chai!). Doesn't it make sense that there’d be a scarlet one too?

She’s so powerful that she can fake reality such that we now think she’s white and from an European country. Well played Scarlet, well played.

7. T’Challa
At least they got this dude right. Thanks Marvel. You must have wondered where in present day Africa Wakanda is located though. Unfortunately, you will never find it. Because there is no Wakanda: there is only Akanda, Abule Akanda; precisely- The Village of Mystery. You will also never find this village because it keeps moving and changing its location. So, sorry, no jetting off to Akanda for sightseeing. This was the last recorded sighting of Akanda.

That’s that for now.

The End.

Hahaha… waiting for the usual post-credit takeaway eh?

Okay. Let me indulge you. Spiderman is actually a very popular Yoruba wrestler who is famous for never having had his back to the ground. Watch out for Marvel’s Spiderman: Homecoming. Lots of easter eggs there for you as to his real origins. But it’s there only for those who can see. Till then…

The real Spiderman will return!


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